Why I Resign As Convention Chairperson Even Though the Conference I Just Chaired
Was A Rousing Success and I Told You I Would Chair The Upcoming Convention or,
                                  The Feeder
A dark sweet and
Deep  sleep  came
Last   night   to me
on  the couch where
I   fell  in a   heap   at
the  end  of my day It
all seemed like a good
dream  starting with big
smilesand hands reaching
out in love ­ yes, a success
story, mine,and I'm making it.
So  here  I am racing. It is me in
the dream. I know it is me because
I can see everybody except me in it.
I am feeding  hundreds  of people from
thick dark  stoneware and  old tarnished
but ­ shoeboxes full ­ silverware and all the
people are shuffling round this old wood  table
I've set with some solid ugly service and  stained
linen. Then I'm putting on a play and  I'm  the  main
character but I have to keep running off stage to fill up
somebody's  bowl or  stop the kids and the other people
from fighting and killing each other.  And my godamn dress
is too tight for me,  but  it's made of rich  red  and black satin.
But  I  have  to  not  zip it  all up  the back so I can't turn around
Or they'll see, but­now I remember ­ nobody looked at me anyhow.
So it  all  went off pretty  well, and  everybody ate enough and the
Applause  was still   racketing, and  I had  to go help  Kay wash
some  walls  and   benches   that  my sweet  Georg had made
But her  son  had  spilled cleanser all over  them and I had to
show  him  quickly  how  to  get  them  rinsed  off  so they
wouldn't  be  ruined, but  she  said Oh  God  it's nearly
Time  for  the Show so I ran back there to help feed
all  the  people. The last  one had been such a
success  that  even  more  came  now  and
hungry  and  standing in a sullen line with
empty cups and  time for the play and the
other  people who were  going to help who
were  supposed to help me were in the line
too with their own empty  bowls and all  the
ten minutes  were  all gone & it  was too late.
Only  this  time  the dress was so tight    I had
to  cut it up  the back from its hem to its neck to
be able to slip my arms into it.It was so dirty that
it was stiff and  not   black and  red  anymore, but
grey and ugly  and  so  was I.  My  head hurt and I
woke up  alone and I   always  knew if  I couldn't do
it   all  that    this  is  what   would  happen   to   me.

           Heywood Williams 
                               

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