Meditation: The Wizard Rescues The Enchanted Child

(the italics are the meditation voice)

Go back -- Go back to your first school:

It rests cool among old elm trees,

cracked hopscotch chalked concrete walk

ties then to now with fading yellow lines

Remember yourself there:

I stand outside on the grass in the wind,

six years old.

My dress whips around my legs

as a man with a camera

pushes me toward a certain rock.

My hair stings my face.

He tells me something he thinks is amusing.

I hold my hair back with my hand, try to smile.

See a house you lived in before you ever went to school:

The big white house near a street has a big back yard.

In the fall we bake potatoes in piles of burning leaves.

Remember yourself there:

In a blue bedroom off a hallway I am four and he is

bald as a marble, friendly and sweet, my brother.

Pale baby fingers reach for my hair, brush my face,

I want his touch, not the pull, the scratch --

I wrap around him like a wrestler, feel his baby rage.

And before that -- the house where you were born:

Wooden and faded, this house faces a rutted alley where

abandoned dogs argue day and night over garbage.

See yourself, feel yourself there.

The woven pattern of the bassinet is in shadow.

Too big for this bed, I cannot

turn over, get up, get out.

Restrained by clothes, I arch my back, roar. Let me out.

I look down at the baby. She's quiet now, expectant.

Tell her why you are here:

You're perfect just as you are.

I've been looking for you a long time,

but I've only just learned you were here.

I've heard you crying,

but I haven't been able to find you.

Thank God you're still here.

It's been such a long time.

Pick the baby up -- Hold her

My hands, strong, reach down

and pick the baby up,

bring her into my warmth

press her into my substance.

Feel her presence. Hold her tight.

I'm so glad you're a girl.

I'm prepared to take care of you always.

Bring her away with you.

You'll love my friends, and they'll love you.

Walk away.

Don't look back.

 

Heywood Williams -- November 9, 1990

 

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